Be Afraid But Do It Anyway by Erna Morgan McReynolds

‘Come to the Cabaret, Old Chum…’

What makes you really afraid? Do you have a long list of things that scare you? How do you feel about getting up in front of a few hundred people to conduct an orchestra? Become the guest conductor? Maybe that doesn’t make you begin to shake, but it sure made me.

Here is the big question: Why did I end up in that position? People train to conduct orchestras. They are professional musicians.

Not like me—a girl who bumbled through clarinet lessons, band concerts, music competitions, marching band. Striving to be great, but undistinguished at best.

Why was I competing, trying to grab the baton and lead an orchestra? Because I was afraid. Afraid to lose the competition to conduct by not raising enough money to beat the other candidates. Scared if we didn’t raise enough. Back then, in the 90s, Catskill Symphony Orchestra was fighting for its life. Almost bankrupt. Every dollar we raised brought CSO, this gem of our region, closer to survival.

Nestled in our hills, Oneonta distinguished itself as the second smallest city in the country to be home of a symphony orchestra. The cabaret is CSO’s big fundraiser. Different than it was in the 90s, but still the highlight of the cold, grey winter. Real music. Fun for a cause.

How did this race to grab the baton work? Whoever raised the most money would get to conduct. Raise that baton. Make the orchestra play. Point at the trumpets or the saxophones or celli, to get them to play louder or change their beat. Getting the beat right really scared me. My high school band teacher despaired of me marching in time (as did I…) as our band paraded in the Memorial Day festivities.

But I planned to win, and wield the coveted baton. A few of my friends and I called all of the rest of our friends—and acquaintances and suppliers and vendors. Our maintenance people. Car repairman. If you knew me, you had to help me. Write checks. Bring cash. Charge a credit card. Every dollar counted.

If I had thought I was scared of conducting, I got walloped by my even bigger fear—not paying bills. My husband came to sit next to me after intermission. He whispered to me. Chuck (our conductor) had warned him during intermission, “If someone doesn’t give us $1,500.00, we will have to stop the concert.” All of that cabaret fun caused the concert to run overtime. Now, the only way to keep the music playing was by writing a bigger check. Not one we could afford. But we did it. The orchestra played the second half while the votes were counted.

I did win that chance to pick up the baton. Quaking my way to the podium, the conductor handed me the baton. I tapped it on the music stand. Raised it. Lowered it. Waved it. Pointed it. The orchestra was ready. They started to play Sousa’s “Stars and Stripes Forever.”

But when the trumpets stood and blasted out their section—that did me in. Now what? Really terrified, I began waving that baton wildly. And the band played on. The players already knew what to do and when to do it. When they finally stopped, I heaved a sigh of relief, waved at them to stand for a bow. And I took one, too.

Today, the Catskill Symphony Orchestra needs your support as it did those decades ago. Join us at the Cabaret on Friday, March 22. Vote for your favorite candidate with all the dollars you can. Give your choice the chance for real power. Keep the music playing in our hills.

Erna Morgan McReynolds, raised in Gilbertsville, is retired managing director/financial adviser at Morgan Stanley’s Oneonta office, and an inductee in the “Barron’s” magazine National Adviser Hall of Fame. She and her husband, author Tom Morgan, live in Franklin.