Citizen Science No. 7 by Jamie Zvirzdin

Welcome to Biasville, Where Partiality Thrives

For fun this summer, to learn about confirmation bias, we mind-travel to the great and prosperous town of Biasville, where the people have odd names and the drama never ends. It’s not hard to find Biasville: You can get there by traveling through Emotion Junction, Ingroup Outpost, Heuristic Harbor (aka, the Mental Shortcut), Faux Memory Lane, Overconfidence Overpass, or—shudder—the Valley of Dissonance. Here, the clash of ideas, perspectives, and even facts creates so much unease and tension in travelers that the uncertainty drives them straight up the ravine to safety in Biasville.

According to the local Biasville meteorologist, Weatherman Willy, the sun only shines upon the townspeople when his wife, Charmaine, wears the steel charm bracelet he gave her. It only rains when she forgets to wear it, he states. Neither notices the layer of rust formed by the many times she’s worn the bracelet in the rain. If you point this out, even on a rainy day, Charmaine starts wailing and Willy will run you out of town.

Charmaine’s best friend is Echo-Chamber Evelyn, who only reads the more radical “Biasville Times.” The editor of the “Biasville Times,” Party-Line Pauline, dismisses the many angry letters to the editor sent to her by Historic Harry, who clings to old traditions and rejects everything written after 1980, even the good journalism Pauline sometimes includes.

Historic Harry’s daughter is Selective Sally, whose work as director of the college chemistry lab always seems to confirm her hypotheses. Most volunteers for her medical trials are Caucasian males from her college classes. Sally has a deep and abiding hatred of her former high-school enemies: Crystal-Clear Clara, Fortune-Telling Felicia, Homeopathy Hailey, Product Patty, and Zodiac Zoey. They claim Sally’s birth chart is an Aries Sun and Scorpio Moon with Capricorn Rising—that is, Sally is occasionally aggressive, liable to hold grudges, reserved, and calculating. All six women still fight to be noticed by the dashing Perfect Peter, who never admits to being wrong, claiming that any mistakes are caused by others around him. He’s currently dating Rosy-Eyed Rachel, who can only see Peter’s virtues and none of his (many) vices.

Perfect Peter’s roommate, Failing Fred, is the celebrated nerd of Biasville, but he’d be the last to admit it. He’s convinced he’ll fail every exam, and he only remembers the questions he got wrong. He has a crush on Snack-Attack Sandra, who eats junk food all day long but doesn’t think she’s gaining any weight, excusing her consistently unhealthy choices as anomalies. She enthusiastically celebrates any newspaper article and scientific study claiming that alcohol, marijuana, and chocolate-covered açaí berries are good for the body.

Sandra’s mother, Prejudiced Penelope, developed a deep-seated loathing for anyone from Colombia whose name begins with C. This is one of many reasons she refuses to talk to her ex, Conspiracy Carl from Colombia. For decades, Conspiracy Carl—who now shares a bachelor apartment with Vax-Veto Victor—has been deeply convinced that the two owners of the Biasville baseball team are engaged in fraudulent activity. He claims that Lucky Larry (who always wears an unwashed jersey to baseball games) and Brand-Loyal Brian (who forces the team to use one kind of bat) are secretly evil Jews who control the banking sector of Biasville by laundering money through baseball team finances. Conspiracy Carl is also convinced that anyone from the Valley of Dissonance is a godless heathen out to destroy his beliefs, or at least forcefully vaccinate him, as Vax-Veto Victor thinks. He’s ready and waiting with one of Brian’s trusty bats to take out the kneecaps of these valley goons.

One day, an old man and his granddaughter emerged from the Valley of Dissonance. They live down there and like it there, it was whispered about town. Miracle Mack, the Biasville doctor and the Biasville preacher, said the granddaughter’s parents died because they refused to be healed by his practice and his parish. In sorrow, the old man took the girl to live in the Valley of Dissonance. Their rare visits to Biasville were not welcome.

“We never find anything good in this town,” Cyril the Cynic grumbled to his granddaughter, noticing the dark looks from Charmaine and Evelyn. Evelyn scurried off to spread the news.

“Yes, we do,” replied Samantha the Skeptic. “Remember what Carl Sagan said: ‘If you are only skeptical, then no new ideas make it through to you. You never learn anything new.’”

“Sam, Carl Sagan loved pot and aliens,” Cyril snorted.

“Yes, but he also promoted rational thinking and inspired many people to pursue science and scientific thinking,” said Sam. “If there’s one thing we can agree on, it’s the universal need to question our assumptions, seek reliable evidence, and be open to change when new reliable evidence presents itself.”

“Good luck with that,” Cyril said. They walked toward the park, passing Clara’s Holistic Healing Spa and Sally’s Pharmacy. “They remember the hits but forget or downplay the misses,” Cyril said sadly. “That’s why I hate this town. Confirmation bias in a nutshell.”

“Grandpa, maybe you only remember the misses,” Sam laughed. “Isn’t that just as bad?”

Cyril grunted, sat down on a park bench, and took out his pipe. Sam looked shocked.

“What? When I’m in Biasville, a little tobacco never hurts,” he said, then winced. “I swear, I get dumber by the second when I’m here. Why is credulity so catching these days?”

Sam sighed and sat down next to her grandfather. “Truth can be cruel, Grandpa, you know that. And like Henri Poincaré said, we wonder whether delusion is not more consoling. I know you were hurt by what Miracle Mack said about my parents. But we mustn’t shut ourselves off from people we disagree with—if we do, we have to start paying taxes to Biasville. There are still good, new things to learn and experience here. This is why I drag you here from time to time.”

“If you keep your mind too open, your brain falls out,” Cyril puffed.

Sam laughed. “I’m going to grab a copy of ‘Biasville Times’—and the ‘Biasville Post’ and the ‘Biasville Gazette.’ It’s good to triangulate information. Sometimes Sally’s published studies are really good, and I heard all three papers are reporting how Larry and Brian exceeded their luxury tax threshold as owners and have to pay up. Anyway, after I read the papers, we can hit up Consolation Café for coffee and cupcakes before the baseball game starts. Sound good?”

Cyril nodded meekly, and after she left, he even nodded a cordial good-morning to Conspiracy Carl as he passed by. Conspiracy Carl’s brooding expression and his grip on the baseball bat softened.

Names and places have been highly exaggerated here for comedic effect—we often remember concepts better through humor—but whether we admit it to ourselves or not, we all have relatives in Biasville.

Jamie Zvirzdin researches cosmic rays with the Telescope Array Project, teaches science writing at Johns Hopkins University and is the author of “Subatomic Writing.”